watching hostel tonight made me think about a lot of things
the film made me feel guilty, almost as if I was supposed to feel that way
I drove home
and I looked at everything
a lot of what exists in the world
it seems like we progress to a level of perversion
beyond that, when we can go no further with our sexual, masochistic, or spiritual deviations
we progress to violence against other people

this is how we are
we're beasts waiting to be unleashed
we're the sin in adam and eve trickling down to ourselves

we have no innocence

if the dead are wrapped in cellulose, they are worthless
forgettable, monotonous, "a way of life"
a mere projection, and nothing more
we only care about the dead in two instances

it's what we're soon to be
it's someone we need/love/want

a hurricane hits
a bomb lands
a gunshot rings

the 5 o clock news
and we don't care
"a woman and her child were murdered today"
how terrible; now on to my primetime fixation
on to our lives without them

every death should be meaningful, but they're not
our lives aren't meaningful any more

we forget our dead just as we forget our innocence
we laugh at the torture of other people
we exist as a callous monster eating everything around it
this plague known as mankind; mindless corpses feasting on the flesh of god's creation

snuff, pornography, murder, rape, greed, lust
the pandemic nature of our history
and histories to come

in my right hand, life giving water
in my left hand, blood
and I, like everyone else, will wash them with each other

we deserve whatever hell awaits